Emo To The Max

Emo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Why I always let others to have the chance to play with my feelings!

Let Go..

I would never wanna turn back ever again.. It still hurts so much.. The letters.. The cards.. The Gifts.. Adey clean out everything.. I dun wanna keep them anymore.. I also dun wanna put on hope anymore.. I dun wanna wait anymore..

I always think that I am strong.. But with this person.. I never am.. Becos the love that I once had, is so irreplaceable.. Not becos that I had always been showered with expensive gifts, or because I am treated like The King.. It is becos, I am loved with care, love, understanding and patience.. Most importantly, although we have no money, we were happy.. Dun matter hw many times we have met, it still felt like the first day.. The love.. But somehow, it has still ended, almost 3 years of building it but it had still came tumbling down... Now that the love is not something that I own anymore, I should let it go.. And let myself move on.. I should be grateful and cherish that I had once had it before, instead of keep remembering it and thinking to myself all the possibilities that do more harm than good in the present and also the future..

Plus, I had many wonderful love before... Each is as valuable as any that I had once had.. So I should reali keep all of it into a treasure box and buried deep into the history of my soul..

The question that matters the most to me now is, why is it that I had keep looking back to the past? Is it becos the present is reali that bad? I dun think that it is bad.. Then why??

Maybe just as I had suspected, I had never heal from the wounds that I got as I didn't give myself sufficient time to heal.. I keep jumping myself from one boat to another boat to keep myself from drowning instead of swimming to the shore..

I dun wanna live in the past anymore.. Even when we were friends.. I am like a thief.. I am told: "Cannot let anyone know. Or else I kena bomb." I know I can never be like any of this person's friends.. Enough la..

Why should I bermuka tebal?

Until now I am still burden by guys.. Maybe I should just be a lesbian.. Or simply juz vow to be single for the rest of my life.. All the problem in the world always start with Men..

Words that come from the mouth of Men, can never be taken seriously or be trusted.. Because the ending will just be heartache... Men will tell the same thing about Women..

Things be what they wanna be right..

Panda-Looking Girl

Recently, the dark circles under my eyes got worse.. I wonder will I ever have the chance to get rid of these..

Getting anemic..

Since my holidays have started, I have not been feeling happy.. One matter after another, I am constantly in worries, negativity and the sadness is reali unbearable..

Even though I am in so-called holidays, I dun feel like I am having a break.. There would be so many things needing my attention, in which I find myself drained myself out just to think about each of every thing.. I feel so tired.. Exhausted.. Physically and mentally... I wanted to run away so bad.. I want to have my own break and rest.. I wanna keep myself away from all the expectations and the feeling that people needed me.. I wanna be with myself..

No one to call me, no one for me to care, I dun need to be self-conscious, dun need to feel guilty, dun need to lie, dun need to care about my abandoned workload, stress about my job.. I want a break.. Most important of all: I dun wanna worry about money!

I am dying inside.. I wanna be free from all these stress.. Especially in my job.. I thought I come in as an intern, but in the end, more like an odd-job assistant.. Why do I need to endure these?? I did not expect these at the first place.. Because if I did, I would have applied for a temporary job instead of being an intern with a low pay that cannot support me and onli adds the burden to my family..

Thinking about the job, I feel reali stress-out.. The transportation (KTM!), the company, the people that I need to deal with especially those customers for a company that had hired us for live receptionist who I think are a bunch of rude nuisances.. I ask myself, why? Why do I need to face all these? My initial intention is to gain knowledge necessary to carry out final year project.. But what am I doing now?? I dun mind odd jobs, but this is not what I want at the moment...

I love this world, but the inhabitants particularly the species that I called homo sapiens, are reali bunch of fools and nuisance.. Everything in this world become so bad and is getting worse is because of us... Homo sapiens. Bunch of fools with mind.. We bring the ugly into this world even though we are declared the "intelligent" ones in this planet..

I feel so stress.. I just hope I won't get depressed.. Damn it.. Damn my life.. I am the one that had ruined every of the things in my life.. I have ruined myself..

Damn foolish me.. So young, so naive, so lost...

Shameful

Who do I think I am? So shameful.. Barged into ppl's life just like tat, hoping that things can have a new start and everything would be fine.. How naive I am..

Feeling so disappointed of myself.. Muka tebal.. Lebih.. Nonsense.. Ridiculous.. Babi.. I am so damn shameful..