Twice bitten, forever a fool - A very long and emo post

The above was something that I have changed from one of the proverbs that we are so familiar with: Once bitten, twice shy.. I am lazy to explain this proverb's meaning but briefly, it means after something or someone has hurt us or have given us a reali bad experience, we tend to be extra cautious to avoid the same or similar things ever happen again..

So, guess the meaning for my modified version from the original one..

I have always move forward once I realised that there is none to be holding to, or anything that I can give, anymore.. It may sounded cruel and sounded reali easier to be said than to be done.. But based on what I have gone through so many times, I believe that not onli this way is merciful, it is the best thing to do under the circumstances..

Although the pain of letting something or someone go requires tremendous effort and a super strong mind, heart and soul to endure such a great deal of pain and mental torture, and the relentless blaming from the other party, if it is a person that we are facing with..somehow, at the end, both party will be able to cope up and stand back up faster, compared if the whole thing is being dragged, forced and delayed..

However, under one circumstance that if one ever got "bitten" but return back to the source which the person got bitten in the first place, the word fool might not even well describe the person..

It is a merciful thing to do if we ever love a person sincerely and is with that kind of healthy state of mind and heart, we would let the person go if the whole thing does not going to the right and healthy direction anymore.. Dun ever use the words such as "having a break", "chill off for awhile", or "waiting for things to be right again", if the the heart, mind and soul is not reali looking forward in the relationship anymore..

I also do not believe, that giving a second chance to the relationship that is just like a wrecking boat waiting to sink, is a good idea.. End it.. Give both of you and partner, the chance to grow up, to learn valuable lesson from the relationship, although both of you will be in extreme pain, the pain will eventually heal, and time will make both of you and your former partner much stronger, mature and wise individuals.. By doing this, both of you are actually cherishing, respecting and giving the relationship the final honour.. Do not let the things that both of you have go through to, to be in vain.. Dun ever let the relationship to be a waste of time, a meaningless journey that both of you have gain nothing at all.. Respect the relationship, and your partner..

A complete story, will always have an ending to the beginning..

Why not give it a second chance? I have many reasons why not.. (Warning, if you are a person that has a poor imagination and does not like metaphorical words, do not bother reading further, you get frustrated halfway through)

#1 If a boat is sinking in a constant rate, do you still wanna continue the journey in that boat? Do you repair the boat under that circumstance? The boat is sinking! Faster save yourself and your partner and swim to the shore or find any solutions at all so that both of you will stay alive.. Whatever happens, if fate has it that both of you must part ways in order for both of you to ever get back to the shore, just let it be! The most important thing is that both of you never give up in swimming back to the shore or find any way at all, to stay alive.. Don't ever be selfish.. Dun ever hold your partner back, becos you do not wanna part ways and in the end, let both of you to just sink together with the boat.. What a tragic event..

#2 What will you do if the condition of a wooden bridge gets reali bad, like the wood is already not strong, the rope that held the bridge adey dangling out here and there, and the bridge is swaying left and right everytime someone crosses it? Do u still wanna add good wood to the adey obviously in a poor condition bridge hoping it can still stays, or tie back any parts of the dangling rope, hoping at least it can still holds for some more time? Or would you rather, collapsing the whole bridge and build a new one? It might be impossible to build back the same bridge or the processes of the building back the bridge will be very, very hard.. But please think about this: You dun need to build back the same bridge, you need to build a new, improvised bridge with very strong structure and materials to hold the bridge together, so that it is made for supporting, and endure any conditions, such as strong winds, or strong flow of water.. And, the processes of building back the bridge might even deemed impossible becos it is so hard, SO? If there was once a bridge there, it means, it is not an impossible task for having a bridge once again.. However, before you wanna start build back the bridge; is it under the RIGHT CIRCUMSTANCES/TIME that you have choose to build back the bridge (imagine strong winds, high water tide, etc.), do you have the right MATERIALS (love, attitudes, heart, mind, soul, personalities) for you to build a much greater, stronger, improvised bridge, do you have the RIGHT PERSON that you trust and have confidence in to help you in building that bridge and that this is the onli person that you reali WANT to work with not to mention does this person WANTS to join you in that quest too, and most importantly, do you have any PLANS and ANTICIPATION and PASSION in building back a bridge?

#3 When you realised you got lost in a journey, do you wanna keep continue walking and walking never knowing why the hell is it that you keep walking or just becos the person beside you continue walking assuming that the person knows the way, where the hell are you going and worse, you the one that is guiding the other that is walking beside you? No.. You stop. You analyse, you think and you find a change of direction, either going back to where both of you have come from or walk to a direction that you are CONFIDENT enough that at least, it will bring both of you out from walking in a circle and might lead to somewhere that the chance of finding the right direction might be in sight..

#4 Why resist changes? Be inspired by these quotes:

‘Change is the law of life. And those who look only to the past or present are certain to miss future.’

— John Fitzgerald Kennedy

‘Change is not merely necessary to life—it is life.’

— Alvin Toffler

‘To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly.’

— Henri Bergson

Life belongs to the living, and he who lives must be prepared for changes.’

— Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

#5 Do you still wanna continue living in a tortured and unhappy state, not to mention living in agony as time passes by? No. You put an end to everything..

#6 What makes you think that a person that has the heart to walk away from you under the crucial circumstances, will never walk away from you again under a normal circumstances? The person already experience the whole scene of walking away, leaving you alone to face all the shit and come back to you after things have been resolved by your own effort, and he/she got accepted back by you.. He/She adey knew, what to do, in order to get back to you.. Soon, the turning-back-on-you will become a reali, reali annoying and heart breaking HABIT.. A person, dun matter what happen, with all his/her love and respect to you, would never let you see his/her back..never would wanna turn and even think of walking away, especially during the stormy times, when the days are rough, when the nights are cold, when there are challenges ahead, when there are consequences of the actions that both of you have made come knocking at the door, happy or sad, a balance relationship is the one that both you and your partner can play different roles depending on the situation.. When you are sad, the other become the pillar of strength for you, and vice versa..

Anyway, 3 Questions: #1 How much you both love each other? Is it enough to the point which both of you realise that when you both have stop growing up together and keep getting stuck at the same point that being together just feel like a ticking bomb waiting for the final perishment, both of you will selflessly let go and hoping the best out of the ending? #2 Is the relationship mutual and balance? Do you feel like you are nurturing a young, fresh plant into a constantly growing tree or you feel like you are onli hanging on to the branch of a (dying), tree? #3 Are you happy and blissful?

Anyway, the words above make me look pathetic.. Becos, I did something that I have never did before and had gone against all the thoughts that I had above that I have always hold as my principles.. An action that contradicts with the entire text above.. I had given someone, a second chance.. Although deep down, I know it won't work, knowing myself very well that to build back the trust and respect will be EXTREMELY hard and for me to gain back trust in a person that had walk away and got my heart broken quite badly and the wound haven't even heal yet, will onli make the matter worse.. Plus, I know very well that with this person, we can never see eye to eye with each other..

Now I can onli bear the pain, the terrible pain, from which the wound that had gone deeper... Double the pain that I need to face.. I could nt sleep.. The ache is getting unbearable as time passes, even when I am finally able to close my eyes and sleep, few minutes later I would be awaken by the pain, then tears would be flowing freely once more, hurting my dignity, disappointing myself.. I still rmb the time when I got as much pain as this before.. I was in first year in university, struggling very hard of the change of my life.. Could not catch up in my studies.. Being far away from home.. The person that should be a comforting sanctuary, became the greatest betrayal I never can forget in this life.. I end up falling even deeper into the hole of depression.. Neglecting my lectures, tutorials, assignments, my life.. It is until the very last minutes, I suddenly realised I could nt bear the disappointment that I would possibly give to my parents if I keep continue in that, no sleeping, no eating, not living state, that onli I am able to struggle and force myself to stand back up and Thank God, managed to hand in my last minutes of tonnes of assignments and face my exam...

Now, I find myself got stucked in the same situation again..

I dunno I should laugh at myself for being a stucked up and for being so fucked up or despise myself... I never learn my lessons, do I?

But this time I noe it is different.. Once it is the other party that said it is over, it is over.. I would still forgive, I would still accept back if we went apart then the other party come back to me, I would still looking forward in the relationship, UNLESS, the other party has spoken the word that IT IS OVER.. Never swallow back words that have been said.. Especially guys.. BE A MAN OF YOUR WORDS..

It is understandable that sometimes a girl might get too emotional and said emotional nonsense stuff but being a guy, means being in control of your emotions.. Real men do not, THEY DO NOT, act recklessly and selfishly under the rational mind of theirs.. Maybe I am bias, or I have ridiculously high expectations of a man or I am just simply being sane and as matter-of-fact..

But like I have said before, who am I, to judge anyone.. Who am I, to judge this life..

No appetite, no motivation, abandoned work that needs to be passed up tomorrow, zombie-like-without-the-sleep and most importantly: PATHETIC.. DOES ANYONE HAS AN PAIN-KILLER FOR THE BROKEN HEARTED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know things are tough for him too.. I pray that we be more matured, wiser, and never stop growing up and become the best individuals that we both can be..

God...